Violet's Birth Story, Written by Erik Virtanen (Father)

Well, my experience of the night began exactly how it looks in the movies. After I got home from ball hockey, Tasha said it might be time to go to the hospital. I could tell it definitely was time. I’m not sure why. But it clicked in my brain that I needed to get this woman to the hospital ASAP. 

I ran around the house putting together the stuff on my list of things to do at hospital time (like what to put in my bag, things we needed to remember like phone chargers, etc). That list was my lifeline. If it wasn’t on the list, it did not exist. 

I started running things out to the car as fast as I could. Tasha could barely walk, so she slowly stepped there. And then I drove - it was the most stressful drive of my life. Tasha was having crazy pain and yelling, I was trying to speed through all the yellow lights. We put on some music - there was Nick Cave piano music - and it calmed things down slightly. 

I pulled into the hospital and told the security guy I needed to bring my wife upstairs. He probably saw the determination in my eyes because he was just like, “Yeah, yeah, man, leave your car, do it.” 

So we got Tasha to the birthing area and things sort of slowed down. The nurses were calm and great, so I went and parked the car and got the bags while they got Tasha settled. Luckily I found an awesome parking spot a few blocks away. I ran back and Tasha was with our nurse in the room.

I won’t go into details about the night, but it was really great. One of my favourite things about the entire pregnancy/birth experience was spending this night with Tasha. The nice blonde nurse showed me how to massage her back properly, and I did that when she had a contraction. Unless the nurse was there, then she was take over to give my hands a break. But the whole night was basically just me and Tasha together, helping her get through it together. We hired a doula, but we didn’t call her until the last moments because we were enjoying it just as the two of us. Tasha’s strength really impressed me. She was like a superwoman. 

I also felt like I became the blood-master that night. I cleaned up blood and random liquids like a pro. 

There was also an intern nurse who came in sometimes throughout the night, and asked us questions on her practice sheet to train how to interact with patients. She has a long way to go before anyone should be trusted with her. She seemed extremely uncomfortable with all the pregnancy stuff. At one point her main job was to close the blinds on the window. She struggled with that. I offered the advice that she needed to pull the string at an angle and then the blinds would fall, but she didn’t listen and it was entertaining to watch. When she finally got the blinds down, I could see that she felt as though she had achieved something good.

Eventually, the doctor broke the rest of Tasha’s water to help move things along and her labour pains got much more severe after that. There was one point where Tasha was sitting on the side of the bed in a trance like state, asking God to help her. 

It was around then that we called the doula. Having her coming was an added comfort as Tasha’s pain intensified. The sun started coming up and more nurses soon came in. It kind of became this whole ‘sisterly’ experience among Tasha, the doula, and all the female nurses and female doctor. Like they all knew what they were doing and I just kind of watched and stood by Tasha, holding her hand and such. 

She started pushing and soon I saw a tuft of hair sticking out of her vagina. It was really bizarre to see. The tuft stayed there poking out for a long time as she pushed, and then soon out came the top of the head. It was weirdly shaped like the pointy top of a triangle. It just stayed there poking out too for a while - this triangular head point with a tuft of hair on it. After a little while, Tasha pushed the whole baby out - the rest of her came out basically in one quick moment. She had greyish skin. Now the memories become blurred. I cut the cord after waiting a minute or so and then I stood with Tasha as we looked at our new human in her arms. It was strange because the baby didn’t really feel like it was what was in her stomach. She didn’t look like how we imagined and there was something a little surreal to it all. 

We were put in a hospital room and it felt like we were instantly parents and had to start caring for this human right now! We were given tons of information on caring for a newborn, some conflicting, by various nurses. I tried to take a lot of pictures. It kind of became my thing for the first few hours. I was picture man. 

I more focused on tasks and doing things for Tasha, rather than say gazing lovingly into the baby’s eyes for hours on end. I did get a few minutes here and there to stare at her and think how crazy this all was and how cute she was. Though she still felt a bit “other” to me. Like I didn’t really know her yet. But I had a duty to care for her. 

So much happened over those days in the hospital, a whirlwind, it’s hard to write it all. I remember it took us a few hours to definitely say the baby’s name was Violet. Did she look a Violet or not? We felt yes. We had Violet in this plastic crib thing that was angled up. I had to wheel her into the nursery at one point. I saw a few other newborn babies there. They looked weird - like one baby had the face of an East Indian man, and there were twins who looked slightly creepy - but Violet looked really cute. 

Tasha and I were quite nervous, we didn’t know what we had gotten ourselves into. Tasha started the whole breastfeeding process, which was stressful. I went out and got us meals, mostly from Tim Hortons and Subway, and texted pictures to family. We changed to a different room after a while. It was a double room but there was no one else in it. The nights were really weird for “sleeping” (note the quotes). Tasha didn’t sleep for a few days I think. It was now us and Violet. Mostly at first it was really Tasha and Violet, and Erik was there to do random things like turn lights off or get water or spoon food into Tasha’s mouth. We were moved to a nice private room after that. Tasha was beginning to get the hang of breastfeeding and we were soon deemed ready to leave. I got all the registration papers from the downstairs office and we packed up and drove off. 

This was now the most stressful drive of my life. I wanted to get home quick. But of course Mont Royal was jammed with traffic all up the mountain for some reason. So we drove halfway and then I turned around and drove back a different route. So it was kind of like making the most stressful drive of my life twice. 

Eventually we got home safe and Grace was there to greet us. We realized then that we were now left to our own devices to nervously embark on this new adventure with Violet.  

Baby Violet: The First Two and a Half Months

It feels so wild to say this, but it's been 2 months since this little mini-us came into our lives.    Before you have your baby everyone tells you that it goes by so fast and maybe you nod in agreement, but really, y'all, it goes by so freaking fast! It feels like just yesterday I was pregnant and waddling the streets, eating popsicles and pineapple like they were going out of style.  But it's been 61 days since we met Violet and  I can't believe how much she has changed already in such a short amount of time.

When we brought her home we were in mega survival mode, just trying to get a few winks when we could.  Honestly, the first 4 days of her life I slept about 2 hours IN TOTAL, so you can imagine what a tearful freak show I was.   Erik was able to get maybe 5 or 6 hours a night those first few days, so imagine the insanity I felt when halfway through the day he would yawn and say 'man, I'm tired!'

I can laugh about that now.  Only because as I type this my baby is sleeping peacefully in the pack n' play just around the corner from me.  Our soundtrack: The "womb" sound from my white noise app.  Her favorite used to be the Hairdryer sound, which Erik says sounds like a horror movie, but this womb sound is a new favorite! She's been sleeping 35 minutes straight.

So, anyway, The first few weeks were the hardest weeks of my life.  I was not at all prepared for how hard and exhausting it is taking care of a newborn. But they were some of the most magical weeks of my life, as well.    Getting to know Violet, just staring at her face and soaking up all those expressions was fascinating.  I could barely look away.   Also, just getting to know all her little noises has been really fun.  We've nicknamed her most frequent sounds (in case you're interested) the following:  The pterodactyl, the walking dead, the snarl or more specifically Bob Snarley, huffy piggy, throat whistle and poo grunt.  Those are just the faves.

Before she was born I spent months researching where violet was going to sleep.  Bassinets were a daily obsession.  I convinced Erik we should get this one expensive, luxurious bassinet, because it was the best.  So we did.  We got that bassinet.  And in 2 months Violet has spent a total of 6.3 hours in that bed.  She hated it so much when she was first born that she let us know just how much by puking all over it.  numerous times.  We joke now that it is the fanciest laundry basket we've ever owned.  It still sits by the bed, all lonely at night, just waiting for a cuddle.  I think we've got another month or two before she outgrows it so maybe there's still hope.  Thing #1 I've learned since having a baby: Quality and quantity a baby cares not about.

The first few weeks Violet slept wherever we were Able to get her to sleep which was usually on one of our chests.  I slept sitting up on the couch night after night, or with her in my arms in bed as I reclined against 14 pillows.  I was terrified I would never sleep again.  One night Erik told me to go to bed for a nap and I did.  I slept alone in bed from 10pm-4am while he hung out with violet in the living room.  It was the most satisfying feeling ever, and for a while it became our thing.  I zombie-walked to bed at 10, put in earplugs and Erik stayed up with violet till 4am.  Sometimes he even let me sleep till 5am, which was incredible.  I felt like a million bucks.  This lasted between weeks 4 and 6 of her life.  At 6 weeks we started a sleep routine with her.  It was a silly idea I had. We gave her a bath, sang her a song (which she loved and just stared at erik's face the whole time), and fed her and I think on the first try she slept through the night.  Like 11pm-8am with only a couple of dreamy milk snacks in between.   A miracle! So that was the end of Erik staying up with violet till 4am.  I think he kind of misses it.

So now we're a lot more rested and we have a lot of fun during the day.  Violet is becoming more and more smiley.   When she wakes up in the morning and sees our faces looking down at her, she lights up like a christmas tree,  and oh man, it's the best feeling in the world.  The joy in her eyes brings a tear of sheer gratitude to mine.  She's also discovered that she has a hand.  So she stares at it a lot.  sucks on it.  bats at dangling toys.  When she discovers that she actually has 2 of them, I think she'll be even more excited.   She loves reading books, especially this super colorful one called the Chameleon, but erik doesn't like it, because it's a book about conforming.  She actually rolled over the other day from tummy to back.  4 times in a row.  She hasn't done it since, but I was impressed!

Alas, It's not all sparkles and milk dust... It's exhausting. Even though violet sleeps so well at night, she barely sleeps during the day. She wants to be held all the time, which is hard when you have a full time job. Also it's winter in Montreal and so hard to get a baby outside.  I haven't figured out how to dress her in minus 20 degree weather yet.   I miss cooking.   We eat more chicken nugget salads than I'm proud  to admit.   I also really really miss cheese, my favourite food group.  Violet's tummy really doesn't like cow's milk but I'm getting used to black coffee.

Sigh.  Being a mother is crazy y'all.  I can't believe how many women have done it before me. I think every single one of them is amazing.  I never noticed families and babies before.. now it's all I see.  It hasn't been an easy adjustment at all,  Erik and I have so much less time, and we both work full time jobs from home, not to mention we are trying to finish up an album, but I can't imagine our life without Violet.  She is so gentle and easygoing and I know she gets that from her Dad, whom I adore with all my heart.  I love my little family more than anything in the entire world.